At a recent screening of The Simpsons Movie we were forced to sit through the most excruciating slate of previews in history. Apparently Simpsons fans are the target demographic for soul-destroying garbage like Daddy Day Camp, Fred Claus, Horton Hears a Who, Bee Movie, and Jason Lee's career-destroying one-two punch of Underdog and Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Now there are many questions raised by this roughly twelve minutes in hell. For example: How have we so offended almighty God that he alloweth Cuba Gooding Jr. to keep making movies? Is Vince Vaughan really that desperate for cash? Why does Jim Carrey insist on raping the cherished legacy Dr. Seuss? Can the horrible irony of previewing these movies before The Simpsons actually drive a person mad?
But the big question is this: Did I dream the whole thing, or does the Alvin and the Chipmunks preview center upon Alvin eating his brother's shit?
Having apparently lost their edge, fart jokes have been replaced by the next big thing in pre-adolescent hilarity: feces eating. God bless America.
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